Need to vent a bit.

I am in a non-monogamous relationship, married, and a mother of two children. I have been with my husband for 7 years, I don't have limerence with him, and it's relaxing. It's a loving and healthy companionship. I am happy in my marriage. But here's the thing, I am in an open relationship because I have episodes of limerence with other people sometimes, not often, but I wanted to be free to passionately live through these episodes when they happen every few years.

I find it so difficult these days, my LO is a coworker with whom I had an affair. It all started in November when I started working for this district, he started openly flirting with me. For almost 2 months, I didn't really respond to his advances, but I started to feel attracted to him. He's not the most physically attractive, but he electrifies me. Then I talked to my husband about it and got permission to embark on the adventure.

Except that I fell into a huge pattern of limerence. Intense. I am obsessed, I think about him thousands of times a day, I am perpetually sexually excited, I am making a lot of changes in my life for him to notice. The fact that we had a month of sexting and a one-night stand amplifies my obsession because I KNOW what he tastes like, I know his body, I know what it feels like when he touches me. We "broke up" almost 5 weeks ago because for him, it was a short-term affair since he has a girlfriend and he is not in an open relationship.

And I'm trying hard to forget him, but I'm freaking out about how focused I am on him. How much his smell, taste, body, and name occupy all my thoughts. Even my husband and children whom I love so much fade away so much I am obsessed with my LO. I am starting to suffer from it, and yet it feels so good to dream about him, remember him, talk to him.

I can't wait to get past this obsession, it will be a real relief. But... It's so painful and so good to live through this obsession.

Am I the only one who experiences it like a drug?