Feels like I am genuinely bad at writing these things and only getting worse, but here goes!

I'm an avid reader, learner, twitter user, and blabbermouth. My sense of self and/or normalcy has been pretty shaken for the past few years. Long story short, my best friend in the world passed from cancer in 2018, years after I had essentially let many of my other friendships fade in order to focus primarily on her while she was sick. Things were already Not so Great for me from around late 2016 to early 2018 when she died, and the rest of 2018 was spent abysmally depressed until I managed to get back in touch with old friends via twitter and texting/phone calling. My social life is still not anywhere near as vibrant as I'd like it to be.

I'm currently studying to pass the Comptia A certification despite feeling way too old. I'm also trying to do other things for myself while working at home--learning to get back on top of my sleep disorder and getting back into physical fitness (I'm a size 18 US currently, so if that's a dealbreaker, there it is). I like to write but I get immense writing anxiety. I LOVE to soak up new information pertinent to my interests. I'm very "online" and into social justice but not particularly obnoxious about it. Perhaps the most "cringe" thing about me is that I'm really into fandom (oof).

I also love to travel and would like to leave the midwest at some point again within the next few years. Next place I want to visit is either Chicago or Amsterdam. I like deep conversations but I find infodumping kind of overwhelming, not gonna lie. I have the occasional existential crisis (experiencing the death of someone that close to you before the age of 30 is just really fucking hard and kind of fucks with your sense of object permanence or whatever) and high functioning depression/anxiety, and I guess finding someone who might also suffer from/understand these things would be cool, but I'm going to be up front and say that I can't deal with people who let mental illness function as an explanation for doing stupid shit.

I know that sounds incredibly harsh. At this point in my life, I just don't have the stamina, the patience, the willpower, or the whatever, to be someone's cheerleader while they talk about maybe wanting to unfuck their life someday, letting the dumpster fire that is their collection of devastating life problems freely blaze in the meantime. I'm already too busy trying to unfuck my own life. I'm nonjudgmental regarding people's life situations--what matters to me is that the other person is capable of motivating themselves to work steadily to achieve their goals, and accept accountability when they fall short.

That said, while I don't judge people who don't work because people's circumstances are different, it's become pretty important to me that anyone who contacts me DOES work, simply because otherwise I tend to end up feeling overwhelmed by the amount of free time they have on hand. I can't do the whole "let's talk for multiple hours everyday" thing anymore.

On a kinder, more wholesome(?) note, here are my girlfriend goals:

• Will watch critically acclaimed movies with me while we snuggle on the couch, since that's something I've been interested in getting more into.
• Patient.
• Intellectually curious, open to talking about most things.
• Strong ethics but not morally absolutist. Shades of grey are normal!
• Observational sense of humor.
• Affectionate. :) And doesn't mind same.
• Adventurous, loves trying new things.
• Somewhat nostalgic, or at least capable of dealing with my nostalgic moods, ha.

Wow, this turned out to be a really weird list, sorry.

Currently I am really into learning more about intuitive eating and making smoothies. I'm ALWAYS tweeting about my interests. I like DIYing on the fly and listening to podcasts while I do the dishes (current favorite is There Are No Girls On The Internet).

Last thing, please be at least 28 or older! DM me and we can go from there. :)

ETA the obligatory "no TERFs." Also, my astro placements are libra sun/gemini moon/aquarius rising, if that matters. I think women with an interest in astrology are really cute even if I don't 100% believe in it, because it shows a desire to better understand and love people. Being into tarot is also a bonus--another thing I don't understand but think is pretty neat. ;)