Hi again, all...

I once again return to this subreddit hoping for companionship. I've posted here a couple times before at 23 and 24, and here I am again at 25, still searching - now brokenhearted.
This spring, right after valentines day, I finally found my first relationship. It wasn't directly through here, but through one of the discords that sprang up around this subreddit. I had been venting about how a woman I'd gone on a lot of explicit dates with didn't reciprocate my feelings, let alone initiate on valentines day, and she approached me and said that I seemed pretty cool and that she wanted to hang out and play videogames.
Two weeks later, we were dating, and it was wonderful. Happiest moments of my life. She wanted me there, she admired me, we talked about making things together, working on projects. It was long distance - her in England, me in America - but I'd send her pictures of spring flowers and she'd send me music to listen to. Despite the distance, we tried to get kinky, and eventually succeeded.
But we fought. Often, and intensely. I guess I just really had a way of getting under her skin, and overreactions (not just hers, I did sometimes too) kept getting between us and staying happy. I was happy, and she told me she was too, but one day, it happened again - this time, because I wasn't having fun with a game she liked. She was very insistent that it wasn't the game, just that I needed to get better at it. It escalated. We tried to make up and apologize the next day, but it happened again, and this time, she didn't speak to me for days. After days of being ignored, I felt like I had to end it. I regret it more than I regret anything else I have ever done in my life.
That was three months ago. I just started my freshmen year of college. I've been talking to people, pretending to be confident, trying not to think about her, but it's been a month and a half and I'm exhausted of people who never text me. Hilariously, it seems like the only attractive women who will actively be friends and hang out with me are all aro/ace. I'm glad to have friends, people I can talk to and hang out with often, but I've basically given up hope. I've tried dating sites, inviting people to coffee, joining all sorts of clubs - theater, d&d, archery, the LGBT club. I've also been learning to play songs with other musicians - but it's all incredibly draining and stressful on top of regular college, and I'm not meeting other women. Everything I do right now is so token - done not because I want to or because I think it will help me, but because I feel like I'm obligated to. That's what this post is, really. I've already come here, I put up my ad and tried to paint the best version of myself I possible could, and it never worked.
When you're depressed, people give you a lot of advice. They'll tell you to exercise, they'll tell you to be social, they'll tell you to join dating websites, they'll tell you to talk to people. I was diagnosed with depression a decade ago now, so I've heard it a lot. I get out of bed in the morning mostly out of spite, so that I can tell them with confidence that it really doesn't work.

If you've read this, thanks. It's very angsty, I know, but I needed to vent and if I just lie on floor and do nothing, people will tell me I'm making myself sad. There's more info about me in my older posts on the sub if you're curious; the tone there is hopeful because I was younger.
Here's a picture of me, taken yesterday at a dress rehearsal for a play I'm in. It's been a while since I've worn makeup; I almost look like I have a soul:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/642454411393892382/1156773481988505670/20230927\_201035.png