this is a long one and needs quite a bit of context . long story short, i (19) met a girl (19) (let’s call her V) whom i was immediately attracted to, and i am so overwhelmed with everything and need advice

context: the day before yesterday a friend of mine invited me over to hers for movie night with her and her roommate and two others who she was excited for me to meet (V, and her twin).

i’d seen V around in college before and we’ve made eye contact before but never spoken before. i remember thinking that she was cute but i wasn’t crushing on her; i barely saw her and wasn’t even on my mind before all this

turns out she is absolutely brilliant with a wicked sense of humour and we have similar interests. i immediately felt so comfortable around her and she kept on asking questions and i opened up to her much more quickly than i usually do. she kept cracking jokes during and after the movie and i must have been so obv because i could feel myself blushing so hard the whole time (thank god the room had dim lighting). she also made sure to mention lgbtq related things like when a character was on screen she said she was dressed in the bi flag colours and we had fun hating on one of my lecturers who was a terf. later when analysing the situation friend 1 said that V had never discussed lgbtq things with her before and friend 2 who is bi said that it was a good sign that she was making herself known to be lgbtq

anyway we were talking about poetry after the movie finished and she said she writes poetry so i said that i’d love to read it. she said she’d send some to me and she asked for my contact details so i gave her my number.

i couldn’t stop looking at her, especially when she laughing. she was just so beautiful. i noticed she’d turn her head to look over to me when i was laughing, instead of watching the movie, and her body was angled towards me rather than the screen. at least twice during the night she turned her head to just openly gaze at me. i’m not sure if she was aware she was doing it or bc if she was it was pretty damn bold of her. it was overwhelming but i could hold her gaze for a few seconds and i felt like my whole body was on fire before i had to look away.

when we were leaving she said that she would send me her poems but she joked that she had to have a look at what poems she could send to me without me wanting to put her in a mental hospital . and then we said bye etc

i called another friend of mine just to gush abt V bc i was feeling so giddy and elated. i said i met someone v special but i wasn’t sure if there was sth between us. my friend said that there could be but idk bc she wasn’t there she was just hearing it from me

yesterday i met up w friend 1 and thanked her for inviting me round. she said that she saw i really got on with the twins. i mentioned that i had a crush on V but she told me that her roommate had feelings for V and that he had gone to visit her in the holidays but when he confessed she rejected him and it seemed like she could have been leading him on, but the situation was ambiguous. but then my friend said that she shouldn’t have told me that bc it was confidential but now i can’t help but feel slightly wary towards her bc i have been led on before and it was fucking horrible.

she still hasn’t texted me and i literally have not been able to think of anything else or study. i don’t catch feelings for people easily but for the people i do it always comes so suddenly and intensely.

okay now for the advice part:

1. i’m focussing on myself and i don’t want her to mess up my plans bc i still have a lot of work to do on myself - i used to be depressed and i worry if things don’t go well i might slip back into it . how do i remind myself that i need to put myself first and stop obsessively thinking about her when i don’t even know if she likes me back
2. about the stuff between her and my friends roommate - i feel v conflicted abt it - on the one hand really wish i didn’t know bc it had made me less enthusiastic about her like this tainted my perception of her bc if she was flirting w him and leading him on that would be mean of her. but then i don’t not know the whole story - and my friend doesn’t know the whole story either bc she’s just been hearing it from the pov of her roommate
3. i felt so much chemistry with her but i’m wondering if it was one sided ?? but my friend said that she could see that i got on v well with her, but i wonder if she’s the type to be super charming to everyone. do y’all think there’s potential for attraction on her side too based on her actions or body language ??? like wtf was she staring at me like that
4. does that fact that she hadn’t texted yet mean she’s not interested ??? but then why would she ask me for my number ????? i’m telling myself it’s bc she needs to choose her poems carefully but i worry i am deluding myself

i know i’m overthinking and i need to chill but i can’t help it . any advice would be greatly appreciated :)