This topic has been swimming around in my head for quite some time... but I've been reluctant/shy/nervous about opening a discussion about this - but here it goes...

Growing up, I had always had a hard time making friends. My parents are immigrants from the Soviet Union (Russia/Ukraine), they were "late bloomers" joining the Orthodox religious group that we were in... so I have always grown up feeling like an outsider bc of those things. I had been teased bc my family was Russian, bc I was chubby-ish and, overall, I think I was an easy bully-magnet because I was shy and quiet.

Now, inside myself, I always thought that I was intimidated by my female peers bc I had low self-esteem from living with abuse in my home, and bc I had less than them, or I was less "worthy" than them...

Looking back now, at age 38, I completely understand my shy and awkward demeanor around my female classmates... I had been attracted to girls/women my entire life but didn't have the knowledge, vocabulary, or context to dicypher what exactly I was experiencing! It all makes sense now!

During my elementary school and teen years, I have had crushes on girl friends before. I have even made out with some of those friends... always wanting more (not understanding why). I have also fooled around with guys in my 20s... but something inside me was screaming out that I didn't feel comfortable with men. At the time, I thought that the inner voices were there due to my s3xual abu3e experience... so I didn't even think that it was because I was attracted to women and not to men (bc I've had crushes on boys too).

To make a long story shorter... fast forward a bit... I was coerced into getting married at age 23 (for religious reasons)... but I was never truly happy. I'd always try to be, but I never was. I had attributed my uneasiness in the bedroom with my husband to my negative s3xual experiences - but nothing beyond that.

So..... my question is like this.... Now that I know that I am VERY MUCH INTO WOMEN, romantically and sexually... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET OVER THE INTIMIDATION!!! I am a creative, comical, social butterfly Sagittarius who loves connecting with people platonically (men and/or women)... but when it comes to INITIATING A FLIRT or even having the confidence to engage in a romantic flirty conversation with a woman - I feel like I'd lose my tongue completely and have two left feet!!!

I've been out of the dating scene FOREVER... and even before I was married, I wasn't in the social dating scene much either (due to the religious restrictions).

So I guess my question is... 1) How on earth do I get over my initial intimidation? (remember, the cool girls used to bully me) 2) How on earth do I flirt with a woman? What is considered cheesy? What's flattering? What's too upfront and sleezy? I have noooo idea!! I think each social media platform shows a different side of wlw - so where the heck am I supposed to learn how to do it in real life without shutting in my pants?? 😆🙈

Okay, that was a LOOOONG post!! 🤣 I guess I had a lot to say! Advice, comments, and DMs are welcome!! Thanks for reading until the end ❤️❤️❤️