I am in a recently opened marriage with my husband of 10 years. As I started to explore sexual relationships with other people for the first time in more than a decade, i somewhat surprisingly discovered that I enjoyed having sexual relationships with other couples. For me, it always felt (at least initially) that I enjoyed the sexual thrill of it more so than an actual attraction to women.

However, recently, I’ve gone on two dates with a woman (lesbian) that I met on a dating app. I was seeking couples, not women, but we connected quickly over common interests, and I’ll admit, even if I didn’t really feel an immediate attraction, I was flattered by the attention and the compliments she gave me. I was very up front with her that I had never been on a date with a woman and didn’t even know if I truly even felt attracted to women. She was very understanding and said she’d still love to meet me.

The first “date” we went on, the conversation was easy and we got along great. I still didn’t feel any real attraction or emotional connection to her, but I agreed to hang out with her again even though she really seemed more like a friend. But the second time we hung out, she kissed me briefly, and I immediately felt a spark that I can’t really explain. It just felt different than the other times I’ve kissed women, more gentle and intimate. At the time, I remember not really wanting her to stop.

But in the days since, I’ve just felt awkward about it. She’s been more flirty via text, and I try to respond in kind, but it just doesn’t feel natural. Outside of that one moment, she feels more like a friend than a sexual attraction. She invited me to come over and have dinner with her and hang out Friday evening, and I’m just torn and confused. I’m sure she will probably want to go further this time than the brief kiss we had last time, and I’m sure that in the moment, I will too. But I’m so scared to lead her on if what I’m feeling is purely physical. And I’m scared of how I’ll feel afterward.

Are these normal feelings to have in the early stages of exploring a same sex relationship for the first time? Is it possible to be able to feel physical, sexual intimacy with a woman without ever developing any sort of emotional intimacy? I’m really just struggling to sort out all my emotions and anxieties right now.