I've thought a lot this year. About wants and don't wants About needs. And about norms.

I've felt like I've been stuck for a while Trying to figure out how to place pieces of a puzzle for the picture to make sense Not realising I've mixed in pieces from Some other puzzle in there.

Trying to fit things into my life that makes so much sense to so many people around me. Like wanting children. Like having one romantic relationship Like 9 to 5-ing the rest of my life

And I've had to admit to myself These are not my pieces. While they are perfect for someone else And beautiful when placed right. This was me trying to fit another's puzzle onto mine.

Admitting it feels weirdly like standing at a train station you've reached together. Seeing many of the people you love and have traveled with so far get up on to a train and then looking down at your ticket realising it is for another train. That this is an adventure you will not share with them. While you will be able to visit them at other stations down the line, You will never be able to stay. At some point you will have to hug And get on to the separate trains once more.

And there is a sorrow in this. But also an excitement as you turn to look for the train on your ticket.