I'm writing this with pretty much tears in my eyes, so forgive a few typos. It happened only an hour ago. I feel pathetic and used and I have to vent somewhere.

First off, I'm an idiot. I decided to suck someone off at 7am cos I was fucking horny. It was a blank profile and he was 38. I'm 19.

It was my first time ever doing anything sexual. He hosted, and when I reached his place, he didn’t say a word, 0 communication, 0 effort, 0 charisma.

The first thing I realised was that he catfished his photos to make himself look way hotter than he was. He was muscular and pretty good looking in the album he sent but irl he looked so weird, he wasn't muscular, he was chubby, and his face looked small and distorted.

He then ushered me into his room, where he pulled down his pants without even saying a single word. At that point I also realised he catfished his own cock... While his album showed a 5.5, maybe solid 6 inch cock, in person, it was hardly 3 inches hard. (i'm not exaggerating, I came home and measured) What a fucking pussy.

I should have left then. But even through it all, even though he was pretty fucking repulsive, I decided to continue. I kneeled down and sucked him. He didn't even ask me to, he just pointed at his cock.

Why'd I keep going? Cos I came there to hookup. I pleasured him just as I imagined pleasuring a fantasy crush. I didn't back down when life threw me this guy. He moved my head wherever he wanted without saying a word and I complied. I felt like a sex worker but without the pay.

Eventually, after about 10 minutes of him wriggling silently like a worm, (I don't mean this as an insult, it's the best possible way I can describe this visually) He physically pushed my head up and stopped me. When I asked him why, he said I was "smelly." For reference, HE fucking asked me to walk 2 km over to his house because he was horny.

Then, after everything, he had the gall to deny me water, even though I was sucking his tiny cock with some fucking effort.  

Absolute clown. 

I don't think I'm ever interacting w blank profiles again or resorting to quick hookups.

Since it was my first time hooking up in general, I didn’t say much, apologised out of courtesy, blocked him and walked all the way back home - but boy do I feel pathetic. He dogwalked me while I put up with everything he threw at me, just so he could kick me out based on one fucking factor that he caused. (And yes, of course I fucking showered beforehand)

I need some support and advice because I feel so much shame I let this happen.