I hope that those of you who read this are doing well. I mainly use this account to express my sexual side, which i have mostly enjoyed (though I’ve started to think it’s more so I can get validation, I guess im shallow). I’ve been very good about hiding my face and trying my best to protect myself, but recently I’ve broken my rule and sent some pics with my face.

While this isn’t the end of the world, it’s started to send me into a spiral. I don’t know what my goal was, but the guy I was sending it to could only talk about the rough and explicit things he wanted to do with me with no mention of how attractive I am (i think I’m decently good looking). This probably affected me more than I should have, but it made me realize that all of my romantic encounters have been strictly sexual. I’m fairly vanilla and I like that, I honestly don’t enjoy rough sex or the more kinky things (no shame to those who do), but it seems that physical domination is all my partners want. I hate conflict and I care way too much about what others think/feel, which has led me multiple times to cave to the wishes of my partners. When I think back on all of these instances, I can’t help but feel disgusted with myself and anxious about who I’m becoming. I don’t want to constantly compromise myself, but I’m afraid if I don’t then I’ll be alone.

I’m starting to feel like I might not find the type of love and support that I want and need (I know it’s cliché). I don’t want to just be some piece of meat that gets used then tossed aside. I want a cheesy rom-com type of relationship but that seems impossible. I guess I’m posting this to ask for guidance or support, because I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been ugly crying more than I probably should about this and I just wanted to see if anyone has felt the same or can give me some tips. Thanks for reading my mess.