I've been making a real effort to recover now for about a week, after a half-assed attempt that was just disguising a relapse. I'm realizing that my eating, exercise, and emotional habits have not been normal since I was a very small child, and that alone is really striking. Over breakfast, while I was trying out intuitive eating for the 3rd day in a row, I thought about something that almost made me laugh out loud.

Needing to eat is as natural as needing to pee. However:

• I do not strictly regulate and measure my urination like I do with my food
• I do not feel guilty for indulging in my biological need to pee
• I do not refuse to honor my urge to pee, I pee as soon as I first need to
• If I pee more one day, I do not compensate by drinking less water or punish myself by making myself pee again
• I know that if I tried to restrict my peeing behaviors, I would die
• I do not obsess over what I'm drinking and how my kidneys are functioning and when I'm next going to pee
• I do not use peeing to cope with feeling sad, lonely, angry, or stressed, and I do not celebrate something happy with going to pee
• I do not mindlessly pee, or force myself to pee even when my bladder is empty

You get the picture. It's now amazing to me how out of touch I have become with my hunger and fullness, these natural bodily functions that should be as intuitive and effortless as peeing. I wouldn't imagine trying to reduce my water intake so I could pee less, but somehow that is okay with food and eating. I'm starting to see how messed up I've been for so long, and while it feels like such a long way to being better, I know I can do it. If I can pee, I can eat. Intuitively, effortlessly, healthily. I'll get there someday.