I have an appointment with a doctor in less than 2 weeks. From what I've heard, in my town adults can get T right away via informed consent. The primary care clinic I go to is progressive so I'll likely be prescribed T in 1-2 visits. Now that this is all feeling real (and imminent), I'm scared. Is it normal to get cold feet? Part of me is like "calm down it's normal" and the other part of me is like "maybe we should wait a bit longer..." but more likely than not I would kick myself for waiting.

Some background: I only realized I want to go on T recently. 2022 has been a wild year for me, as I have been dealing with a lot of mental health issues. The dysphoria has been there, but kind of masked by the intensity of other stuff (getting r*ped and also being told I might have terminal cancer has really put everything else on the back burner). I didn't have the space in my brain to process gender stuff that much for the first half of the year. I have made huge strides since then, and am currently in therapy and on meds. I processed the SA, and the tumors are benign. I can finally consider thriving and not just surviving. But now that my brain has space again, the dysphoria and need to be seen as masculine has hit like a brick wall. I want to go on T. I want to change my name. I want top surgery. Probably in that order. And since I have the privilege of living in a progressive area and having health insurance, I can do most of that fairly easily (except I'll still have to save up for the top surgery in the future). So why am I scared? Shouldn't I be excited instead?