I have no idea what’s happening and honestly it’s scaring me. Pre-T I fully identified as a trans man and I was happy with that identity. I also identified as bisexual with a STRONG preference for men. (I had ID’d as lesbian in the past, but through my new trans identity I had realized how much internalized biphobia I had, and that I was bisexual and liked men very, very much). For 3 years I was perfectly content and happy being a bisexual trans man and couldn’t wait to start T.

It is also VERY important to keep in mind for this next part that I had no intention of returning to womanhood, nor did not identify as a woman. Yes, I hypermasculinized myself, but I’ve made peace with the fact that if I ever detransitioned and went back to life as a girl, I’d just be unhappy and miserable.

So, December 2023 rolls around and I start T and I feel GREAT! Except…things changed MASSIVELY. My interest in women SKYROCKETED to the point my interest in men was nearly GONE and for some reason my brain started getting like, really big thoughts about being a butch lesbian? Like more than being a trans man. I get headaches now even THINKING about men, whether it be other ones or thinking about myself as one and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. (This sucks majorly because I had been working up the courage to ask out my guy friend for ages, and thought with testosterone that would help because I assume it would boost my confidence).

Yet this is also INCREDIBLY STRANGE considering I love what it’s doing to my body. I love my facial hair, I love my top surgery scars (even if they do feel a little weird lol), and I love how much my voice is dropping. I love how hairy I’m getting and I smiled when I got called sir twice in public by two different people.

This has caused me a SIGNIFICANT amount of distress, yet I’m frustrated because my brain doesn’t seem to care that my entire perception of who I was is just out the fucking window now. I heavily dissociate often and it makes me want to cry. I want to be happy on testosterone. I was so certain about who I was and I don’t want to stop testosterone for many reasons but I feel like with every shot I just lose more of who I thought I was and who I was content on being.

What do I do. What’s wrong with me? Am I just a faker?