I'm in a crisis. The long and short of it is that while I've self-identified as "purely" nonbinary for 3 years now, I recently realised that I most likely am leaning towards a nonbinary transmasculine identity. What's making me pause is whether or not this realisation is more due to a mixed episode I'm having... or am I right, that despite it, I am... nb transmasc?

(Note: I'm diagnosed with Type 1 - Bipolar Disorder)

This is because I've read that other people with bipolar disorder (who may or may not be necessarily queer) can have flashes of identity crises during an episode. Basically, some have said that they allegedly felt like a different person with a different gender identity or interest in an episode and when that period wore off, they realised they weren't really... of that identity or expression.

As for me, I do not think this is the case, at least? Because when I realised I was first nonbinary, that "certainty" of queer expression stayed, no matter the spectrum of my disorder. I even got panic attacks when my queer-phobic family kept verbally attacking nonbinary people. And well, I've always felt different, that I wasn't as straight as I was brought up to be...

So, when I discovered BTS and became comforted by the flexibility of their styles and expressions, I cut my hair short, dyed it, and felt better dressed in androgynous fashion. I even liked and encouraged it when I was addressed with masculine terms. I felt like myself more... even if it was hard to go through the dysphoria of not being born with a body that I felt was truer to who I was...

But my parents started to crack down on me then. Started nitpicking my clothes, my hair. They even get angry when I wanted a mullet or shorter hair cuts and nearly harassed me while I was at the salon getting my hair cut. And now that my hair is a little longer, they keep pushing me to wear more feminine clothes. The thing is, i want my hair short and I don't mind wearing feminine clothes. I do like them too... but I just feel choked.

I'll still... observe myself, I guess, about this crisis but like... I guess, I just want some assurance and stories about how you guys came to terms with it. (Additional context: I'm in a country that does not actively support queer people and has fewer resources for it as well.)

So, my questions are: · If you have this diagnosis, do you doubt yourself at times? Especially if you went through transition? · Do you have any ideas how to cope or get over the doubts?