[Intro]: The introduction of the rambling asexual masochist and an itinerary for the following presentation.

Greetings! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this ad. I understand that it is a lot. After some negative experiences, earlier in life, a lot of introspection and reflection, I understand myself a lot better and am certain that I understand myself and my niche interests well enought to express exactly what I am looking for.

These desires, however, are quite uncommon - especially in the sense that they differ from what most other assigned-male submissives ask for on here, so I feel like this essay necessitates a certain length. Thank you for bearing with me, as I attempt to lay it all out for you. As an asexual person, a lot of rather physical aspects of submission do not appeal to me, I've seen it written on here before that for a lot of aces it's all in the head in a way. That's a statement I can relate to. Greatly. Additionally, I feel like masochism is the one true channel I have to experience intimacy with a fellow human being, as the appeal of traditional approaches to romanticism and sexuality is totally lost on me.

[Masochism]: "if ouchie why do i like it?" and many other burning questions get finally answered.

*Pain, while typically negatively connotated is a very strong sensation, and in many context is quite intense and powerful, which leads to it - and the accompanying comfort after, to be a "suitable substitute" for sexual interaction - for me. Yet, sadly even that can get too much for me - most of the time.

You'd be surprised how much impact very little, seemingly minor conversational aspects can have on me.

There's a certain rawness, an ice-cold truth in dominance.

We wear so many masks in our daily lives, such as the mask of the nice office worker who wants their boss to be happy, the mask of the caring friend who just wants you to have a good time…the list goes on. Excuse my Jungian references, but the mask-metaphor fit too well.

It is only when we are experiencing a feeling of true power that the mask comes off. When we feel like there are truly no consequences for our actions and we can be our real, unfiltered, unaltered and direct selves. This is the feeling I imagine my hypothetical dominant to experience as I submit to them.

I used the temperature-metaphor for a reason, when I described said truth as ice cold. That is the feeling I get.

When I am shut down as I am telling a story only to be informed - calmly, directly and honestly - that they do not care.

We typically let our friends do these things to us. We fake-smile and nod as they tell us their little stories that we don't care about.

Well, I suppose I am the rare kind of friend who can take the honesty of them dropping the fake-smile, and ripping that little story out of my mouth, smashing it on the ground.

I resign from the conversation.

I yield.

The story I was excited to tell dies on my lips and I am left with this deep, fulfilling sensation of submission as my words fade out and I close my lips, smile and participate in the conversation as a listener.

This is a feeling of true bliss. My sternum radiates waves of icy calmness and my hands twitch with excitement. I have never been more at ease.

Additionally, I want to add that trust is a vital part about my masochism and perhaps even a pre-requisite to things such as those listed above, as it serves as a driving force of my submission in a sense as I also can trust myself more: Maskless-communication allows for very direct feedback. A “wrong€” sentence won't haunt my head for weeks as I ask myself if it was appropriate to say, as it will have either ended in a neutral response from their side or the biting pain of a slap as an instant appeal to correct my words.

However, even in my wildest fantasies I am not asking for sex

I am afraid of it and I hate it.

I'm asexual and have had a few terrible experiences in the past with women who didn't accept that fact and pressured me into more.

I just want to be hurt. That's sincerely all I am craving. I've done my introspection and I've considered the ramifications.

I don't care how it is done. After all, it's all in my head anyway - all it is, is a counterintuitive, anti-self-preservation-instinct and completely irrational response to degradation. To a loss of control.

I don't know why I am that obsessed with these feelings.

I guess they just feel that good.

Just like the rat in the lab, frying its brain with the orgasm-button, I've had my taste of heaven and I am missing it dearly every second I go without it.

Without a cold voice telling me to my face that I look out of shape, no matter how much time I spend at the gym.

Without harsh instructions, that I *don't belong** on the couch, as I sit on the cold floor in their flat.*

Without a firm hand to *smack** me across the face, for no good reason other than that the owner of said appendage felt like it. Felt like hurting me.*

Without teeth that *bite** my lip open before we leave the house, just so the strangers can look at what a victim I am.*

[Outro]: Closing statement and call to action. (the action is us chatting and exchanging meems)

I hope you enjoyed this random assortment of just a few of my fucked-up ideas that send my dopamine centers flying. I like to think about these scenarios to fall asleep. Nothing calms me down more than the thought of being put in my place. Reach out, let's talk about this. I'd like to hear some ramblings of this nature from the other side if possible because that's something I can imagine even less.

Hope you had fun reading this, I really, really enjoyed writing it.

I would add that I do have issues with my masochism and submission being seen, observed or enjoyed through an entirely sexual lense.

I understand that sadism is sexually connotated for quite a lot of people and I know it is not my place to criticise or make demands on how I shall be perceived.

The issue that arises however is the following:

I am certain that I do not feel sexual attraction, while many others do. The logical consequence of this fact is that typically, people will desire me more than I desire them. This imbalance can make me feel uneasy or uncomfortable.

I am fully prepared to discussion sexual activities with a potential dominant however, but it requires a lot of trust.

[Addendum]: Case Study "Orgasm Denial"

I am appending this additional chapter to my ad, as I have realized after writing that the entirely non-sexual context of the text so far might be off-putting to dominants who are more used to sex-based D/S-play and I would like to showcase how some domination practices may work on me, which are entirely sexual in nature.

Orgasm denial never worked for me in the way it seems to for most people I read about practicing. Especially not on here. So much seems to be about harnessing this need, the ensuing frustration. There always seems to be this large focus that's placed on the denied, how their frustration affects them, how it makes them want to beg.

I never felt this way about it.

For me it rather feels like a great gesture of submission. Or rather, giving in.

Forfeiting.

I know denial is typically used to keep you horny, needy. However, I like to see it from another angle. It's not that I am being kept “unpleasured”€, it's rather that I let somebody take my pleasure away from me.

I let them do this to me.

Let that sink in.

I gave the most wonderful feelings my body can experience away, to someone else.

Now, I might have done this because I really appreciate this person and it's a nice way of showing my affection, or I might have just thrown it away at the next best person because I felt like a “really naughty kinkster” and like I “couldn't handle real pleasure anyway”. It doesn't matter, how I originally spun it.

All that matters now is that those very sensitive, very special parts between my legs don't belong to me anymore. They're property of someone else now and I just have to live with that.

However, this does not feel degrading or embarrassing at all to me. It feels so pristine, pure and wholesome. To give something that huge to someone else because I care about them. (Pun not intended.) I experience those feelings through submission, maybe through even a masochistic lens. My frustration€, my neediness,€ isn't just my body's reaction, my need - it is what they *did** to me. I feel frustrated, needy, horny because I am lacking something. Something that *I *let** them take from me*.

I revel in this feeling, let it take me over and cherish this pain, just as much as it were a slap, a scratch or a brutal spanking. Or a beautiful first kiss. I've given them control and have to stand up for it. Take it. I've given the most precious present I could possibly give them and am overcome with this pure, pristine joy of submission.

It is through deep breaths that acceptance slowly seeps in.

Surrender.

That is the term that I deem best fit to describe this sensation. I have chosen to submit to my subject of affection and in the process of doing so I have surrendered your own gratification and sexual agency to them. And in my eyes, that's a gift that's a hell of a lot more romantic than the usual bouquet of flowers.

[Outro 2]: Wow, another one. They don't shut up, do they?!

Thank you so much for getting this far. I hope it was a nice read. I love putting all these complex feelings that S/M and D/S causes within me into words and adding a bit of a needlessly-theatrical touch. I do understand that the addendum was quite explicit but I think it was necessary to show my cards and give you the context to what degree sexuality may interface with my unique take on masochism, so that you don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me. Communication is key and I will make sure to communicate boundaries precisely, and I will expect you to respect them, just as I vow to respect yours.