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Critique My JRPG Opening Plot Hook
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NecRo🤍antic- No Romance Without Necromance!

Opening plot hook:

On a planet much like our own, appropriately named Xtra, creatures who might as well be humans live in towns and cities with electricity and radio much like our early 20th century in the western countries. There are various religions with their creator gods and myths. There are the more science-oriented. They are all spectacularly... off base...

Our story takes place in an anime-esque role playing videogame, following the exploits of Japhinor, a seeming everywoman who could be a visitor from another world since she appears to have no idea about the cultures and locales of Xtra... at first. Then a giant, skeletal, parasite-infested corpse attacks the village Japhinor is "exploring", and the beast is clearly there for her. Japh's entire demeanor changes to an air of sadness and pitty. The battle ends with the creature a far smaller and whole, spectral human who thanks her fading away with a look of longing on her face.

Traveling to a new town, Japh rejoins her ghost-knight comrades, the twins Roger and Mia. We learn that Japhinor is one of the immortal necromancers from a one of the earliest civilizations on Xtra. These necromancers long ago learned to harness love, a dimension of spacetime in this universe, which allowed them immortal life and the ability to converse with dead loved ones, in-turn allowing those loved ones to live once more.

This is the tale of how spreading the love got out of hand, the raising of the ghost-knight armies, the wars that followed, and how Japhnor's own love raised something far worse...

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1 year ago