I just wanted to get my feelings out because there are a lot of them and I’m not quite sure what they are yet. My story is posted on my profile in depth, but long story short my emotional abusive ex lied about having a son to me for our entire 2 year relationship. His son was one year old when him and I started dating, and while we were together he almost never went and saw him. His ex had contacted me when we first started dating, but I was one of those girls that didn’t take her warning. I also believed him when he said that while he was playing the role of step father to her children (she has two, only one is his, they were in an an on/off relationship for 3 years so I believed neither were his), he was not the biological father and it would probably be best for him not to see them anymore since it wouldn’t be consistent due to his ex being crazy.

Anyway, she had been on my mind a lot lately. I often compared myself to her during my relationship because I knew they were still arguing a lot while we were together. I obsessively checked her social media. I felt like a loser because she has two children (something I want), an office job while I work at a restaurant, her looks, that she lives in a house while I’m at my lowest point in an apartment. She felt like a threat to my relationship because my ex always she said wanted him back (I think she did initially). She said some nasty things about me while arguing with my ex, which he showed me.

It got to a point that if I saw the same type of car she drove, heard anyone say their names, saw a little blonde boy out in public, my heart would drop. I still have some of these feelings post-relationship, and I know they are all trauma responses needlessly brought on by my ex, so I decided to reach out to her. I apologized for what happened to her. I told her that I wanted her to know the lies he had told me. That I never told him to not see the kids, in fact I encouraged it and he always declined. I wanted her to know that I would never intentionally hurt her or her children in that way, but I had been manipulated in such a way and I hoped she didn’t still have any ill feelings toward me due to what happened.

She told me she understood and thanked me for reaching out. She said she knows how manipulative he is and that he admitted to her after I left him that he was lying to me and that he has been seeing the kids again, but she still has issues believing things he says in relation to coparenting. And she also apologized for her misdirected anger at me and said she holds no ill will toward me at all, and that I was a victim of him as well.

It felt good. I cried. I’m also very sad. We follow each other on instagram now. I knew it was going to be hard to see his son. There’s even a recent picture of my ex smiling and standing next to his son. I know seeing his kid once a week is the bare minimum and what he should be doing, but something about it is just so hurtful. I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right, but I thought maybe if I got the exposure therapy over with in this way, I’ll eventually no longer have negative feelings when I think about his ex or his son, or see a car like hers in public, or see a little blonde boy, or hear either of their names.

I don’t forgive him yet. I would love nothing more than to write him a scathing letter. I know for the sake of his son he should change and I guess I hope he does for that reason, but I don’t think he will. I think he is a terrible person, and I think he is going to continue to hurt anyone that becomes a part of his life, because at the end of the day, all he cares about is himself.