What else is new? lol My emotions are all over the place right now. I just got my associates degree and luckily I’m in a position where I can take the summer off so I won’t be working until sometime in the fall. Anyway I’m overweight and I wanted to dedicate these next few months to losing as much weight as possible since trying to do so in between work and school was insane cuz the stress from everything would cause me to overeat/eat past my caloric limit in most cases.

So I’d been working out everyday and doing OMAD and making sure I drink plenty of water but after steadily losing like a pound a day this whole week I was up two pounds this morning??? Like literally what the fuck. I have twisted teas in the fridge that I’ve been putting off drinking because I didn’t realize how many calories were in them when I bought them a couple of weeks ago but I literally don’t care anymore I’m about to chug the whole 12 pack. I was fine for the earlier part of the day but for some reason the loneliness hit harder like an hour ago.

A big part of me reaching my weight loss goals has been isolating myself from friends so I’ve deactivated my social media accounts and blocked all of my best friends numbers cuz I don’t want them to ask me to hang out cuz it usually involves food and I can’t do it. Also most of them are in relationships and I’m tired of not being able to find someone cuz I’m fat. I’ve been fat my whole life and when I was finally able to get the weight off I got into my first relationship and nobody warned me about relationship weight so I gained about 70 lbs while in that relationship so that was fun.

I just hate it I hate everyone and everything I hate that my parents didn’t feed me correctly as a kid and teach me how to have a good relationship with food because now I have to unlearn everything as an adult and it’s fucking hard. I’m stuck between exercising everyday to build muscle or fasting to actually lose weight fast but every option fucking sucks cuz I’m already fat to begin with. For all of you who started off in a healthy BMI range, you don’t know how lucky you are. Not to diminish anyones experience, I know we’re all struggling but holy shit this is hell.