First of all, had no idea this subreddit existed and I am excited to interact with other Dostoevsky enthusiasts.

This ramble will be a mix of personal epiphanies and reactions but I felt like I had to write it down before the feeling of just finishing a text subsides.

I picked this text up as a "light" read while being on the train, thinking I can finally make my way with the text after failing to get into the first few pages for months. Once I got over the hump, it was just immersive and I could not put it down.

Having dealt with mental health issues and a lack of self-confidence, I also recently went down on a spiral of questioning the meaning of life and what the point of existence is. It was compounded by the grind of grad school (fellow academics may relate) and I had started to despise the very thing I loved so much that I wanted to go to grad school for. His quote:

Knowledge is higher than feeling, the consciousness of life is higher than life. Science will give us wisdom, wisdom will reveal the laws, and the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness

resonated with me so much. It was a realization that in the grind of grad school and trying to focus on what I ought to do, I had forgotten what I loved to do.

The whole read was a full catharsis and I could not help but get teary eyed. Initially I tried to make notes and analyse the text, and perhaps I will do that at some other point, but right now I feel a profound sense of gratitude towards a text that helped me process a lot of strong emotions and fills me with hope, and look forward to resounding optimism with which Dostoevsky ends the text.

A few years ago, one night I had read The Grand Inquisitor came out with philosophies that I feel changed me as a person. I suspect I may look back at the Dream of A Ridiculous Man the same way a few years down the line.