You can call me Eli.

Salem, MA resident in Yonkers for work.

They say honesty is a good policy, especially in first impressions, so let’s start here: Eli is not my real name.

My wife and I live in Salem, but we both travel domestically and internationally for work (I’m a management consultant and she’s in tech sales). We do our best to get outta Salem as much as possible in October because it’s a madhouse. Prioritizing career means that there isn’t always time for intimacy when you and your partner’s schedule don’t match. Throw in my Lexapro prescription (hooray mental health! but seriously, hooray! It’s worth it), and it can be a challenge; but we were both very aware going into our careers that we would make non-traditional choices, so we have an adult relationship and marriage where we both understand one another’s desires and needs for frequent intimacy.

We are both at our own discretion to satisfy our desires outside the relationship when we are not in the same place, and if you’re still reading, I think you’re intrigued .

Me: 6’2” / 165lbs, ginger, beard (slim muscular/runner’s build — 7min miles). My wife tells me that I am unconventionally handsome, and what I lack in convention I more than make up for in … unconventional ways 😏. She swears I’m funny, but I maintain I’m just deeply consumed by anxiety at the fact that some people out there are raw-dogging it through life without weed or therapy or medication or alcohol. Who even does that to themselves?

About me: I love hockey (got some teeth to match, but I’m sure you noticed that), Formula 1, stand up comedy, history, trivia, and learning about new things. Also, recommending tv shows to people I’ve literally only just met, and then apologizing, while simultaneously forgetting their name. It’s a wonderful personality trait, and it’s also reason for the therapy.

You: F18-24, fit, eager (if you think so, let’s see if I agree), and into older men who know what they are doing and want to spoil you and your body.

Some things don’t need to be complicated in order to be discreet, so let’s keep it simple: if you’re into the 35 year old millennial that’s married with no kids vibe, or if you don’t know yet and want to find out, just ask me about my house — we bought it 2 years ago in Salem and it’s turning 190 years old this year. I’m a nerd about it, and we’re doing all the improvements ourselves.

This is not my first rodeo, but it’s okay if it’s your first time being briefly involved with someone who is married. I want to stress the word briefly (not like that — Lexapro, remember?) — our encounter would be for a single evening. I know what I am looking for, I hope you know, too.

So if you’re still with me, give it a think, and maybe you say hello and smoke some weed and get to know each other.