Internet trolling isn't cool, kids. Oh boy, is it uncool.

I don't know what it was. I guess I was just a little insecure about the whole thing. I mean, a cock is a really small detail of a person's whole body, right?

Well, yours isn't small, exactly. I found the pictures on your profile cute, and I jerked off to them. Like 5 times. And then I scrolled down and saw it. A penis. A fucking penis. And like, penis=gay. It's a well established formula.

I had to make a stand. I could let this monster-cocked temptress undermine my masculinity! And sure, your face was prettier than most girls, your blonde hair was beautiful and delicate. Your A-cup breasts were adorable. You had an ass that I could survive on for a week.. But that dangling rod of love-sausage taunted me.

"Lol traps are gay", I wrote.

God, that showed you, didn't it? I really fucking got you. With that comment, my fragile masculinity was restored. That's what I thought. And then you replied.

"I'll show you gay, you little pussy."

I thought it was just an idle threat. But it wasn't. Just like when you told me that if I didn't hurry up with your beer you'd shove the bottle up my ass. But that's another other story.

There was a knock at the door. "What the fuck?" I thought. I wasn't expecting anyone.

"Pizza!"

"Ah, that's alright then." I thought, getting up to answer the door without a second thought. And there you were. You were dressed, this time, but I recognised you from the post. Then you had your hand around my throat. God, were you strong. I guess never judge a book by it's cover. You looked so cute and dainty, I never thought you could choke me out. That was one of many lessons you taught me about masculinity. The last words I heard were:

"Extra sausage and garlic dip!"

Oh dear. I've heard that one before.

Turns out you're a pretty damn good hacker. Finding out where I lived wasn't that hard. You just snuck in the backdoor of my profile and then jacked the mainframe connection to get my address vector. Crazy, huh?

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was that dangling battering ram of sexual confusion hovering over me. You know when you see a porno and the guy's cock is just unreasonable? Like there's no way that's gonna fit, and then a combination of lube and brutality pops it in there somehow. Just the sight of it made me feel smaller and submissive.

"Liking traps is gay, huh? Well.. I'm about to turn you homo."

"Wait wait wait, you can't just turn someone gay, it's 2018, man."

"Nuh-uh." you chirped. "You're wrong. Can't turn all progressive now. Liking traps is gay and you're about to fuck one."

"Isn't rape worse than homophobia?"

You snorted. I was on my back on my bed, and you'd totally stripped me naked. My slender thighs were tied to my ankles and also to my abdomen, and my hands were tied to the headboard. My asshole was totally vulnerable.

"Oh. Shit."

Remember, guys. Absolutely never indulge in internet trolling. I did it once, and my girlfriend is literally nutting inside me as I type. She says hello.

Thought I'd ressurect an old treasure.