I deserve nothing but abuse.

Thats something that took quite a while for me to realize and accept, and even though my therapist keeps telling me its wrong, I know in my heart that it isnt. Some people, like her, would read or hear this and think that they should try to "save" me or help me, but I also know that there are people who know better, who enjoy using that fact and make me their object of abuse. Thats what I am hoping to find, someone who wants to thoroughly abuse me, ruin me for their pleasure, show me how bad my life can be, and at the same time how fulfilling it will feel for me. I never feel more at home or more at peace than when I am submitting to someones abuse, following someones orders, knowing that doing so will have severe consequences in the future.

And of course you need to know a bit about my life, the one you can mess up. To the outside I seem to be getting along pretty good. Im 24 years old, have a mostly stable, decent paying job, I have my own apartment and plenty of good friends (or at least, people I meet with regularly). I am outgoing, work out regularly, go to parties, so most people would say that I am doing good and that I am happy. Oh and I also go to therapy, which is clearly working wonders, right? Beneath that outer face I present to most people (which isnt fake, its just not whole), there are quite a few mental .. problems I have. Self esteem issues, always feeling bored, very needy for attention, self-sabotaging/harming behaviour, the knowledge that I am an awful person and deserve nothing but the worst, to name a few.

I do have some limits too, even if theyre very few. Minors, blood and violence (spanks and such are fine, but I dont want crude physical pain without any purpose other than pain itself), vore, pics/videos. If you are interested, please send me a message so I can serve you as soon as possible