Hello everyone!

I posted in this subreddit a while ago, probably 2 years ago or so. Not sure if my post is still up because my account was less than 30 days old but here's a quick summary of what I can remember.

I posted regarding my fear of seeking professional help due to past bad experiences when I was forced to speak to school counselor, social worker and several psychologists when I had crying fits in school. Life was tough in my formative years, teasing at school, no peace at home, my own mother not acknowledging that I was in trouble with my mental health. She went as far to call me "a sick rat".

Now for the happy update. Over 10 years later after I lost a very good job due to the same crying fits and rage, stress and anxiety I returned home to my partner and decided enough was enough. I began writing a summary of what pained me and bit the bullet. First doctor I went to was the wrong one, as he specialised in something entirely different. But, bless his soul, he referred me to a private psychiatrist.

Just deciding to seek help filled me with hope and positivity. For the first time in my life I felt confortable opening up. I talked for about 4-6 sessions so he could assess me, then we did a test where he diagnosed me with depression with elements of borderline personality disorder. I also told him of how my darkness, as I called it, intensified during my monthly cycle. Immediately he prescribed me a medication and told me to take it immediately so we can see if it works.

Boy, did it work. Every session I went to I became happier and happier, and in the end he gave me lessons on how to change my thinking, good and bad emotions and such. Throughout the years I talked to many strangers online to try and help myself, fearing professionals and medication. But, the lessons from behavioral therapy put a stop to my toxic thinking. He gave me another medication and I have stuck to his teachings and meds and now, almost 6 months later, Im a new me, living my best life.

I look back and wonder who was I back then. I revel in joy of being free from my broken mind. Plus, if I do something cringy or remember it I just chuckle to myself and move on.

So this is my update. I apologise if I made a mistake with grammar or labels or anything else, Im not here often. I just felt the need to share with the people that it gets better. Bite the bullet, seek help. There is no shame in it, it might be difficult but just trust the process and it will pay off. Your best life is waiting for you.