It honestly amazes me somedays how cowardly I am. I have a test on Tuesday and I am so anxious I can't sleep properly and feel like I'm going to be sick. Hell just going outside makes me so anxious I want to curl up into a ball and just go back to sleep. I wish I could just get my thoughts in order and calm myself door, but it just becomes a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression. I'm hoping to start some anti anxiety medication soon, but we will see if that actually happens. I feel like I'm living a lie and being such a coward is killing me. I really want to change, but I don't even know where to start. I feel like such a mess and antidepressants didn't work so they want to try controlling the anxiety. People look at me and have even told me I look scary or intimidating and the reality is I'm probably much more afraid of those people than they are of me. It's wild how different my outward appearance and personality can be. I oniw this is a little long, but any advice on not being a coward anymore would be helpful.