The last couple weeks have proven the universe has beaten me. I hurt my ribs and had to take off work so I had no money for Christmas. I still have absolutely no money and need a good chunk to get caught back up. I can’t talk to my best friend at all anymore. Not our faults. Just bad timing. I got robbed and had to resort to some things I hoped I would never have to do again. Then my girlfriend and I broke up. This all happened within 36 hours. To top it all off, all day at work all I think about is planning out how I’m going to kill my self, when I’m going to kill myself, what the suicide note will say and where I’m going to leave it. At this point I have no one to talk to. I don’t want to ruin my brothers good things going with his girlfriend and bad ass new job. My parents do not understand depression or suicide at all. It’s almost like I’m excited to get it over with. Finally taking away the burden I put on my family and the people that bother to be around my miserable ass anymore. My Meds are a disaster. I’m too reliant on some and scared of others. At this point I think I need to either go and be committed or this time I’m going to do it. I’m tired, my body hurts, I have nothing left, nothing to give anymore. That’s what hurts the most. My Favorite thing is giving, but now I have nothing left to give.