I have one real friend that I click with. We've had a bit of a history together, but when it's all said and done, she's my best friend. We work together and hang out during the week, going shopping, out to eat, watching TV. The thing is, that's all we do.

She's fully aware of my depression. She doesn't really get it though. She's not the kind of person who understands the difference between being sad, and having depression. I do like to do things from time to time, especially when I'm not in the depths of self-pity, but she never wants to do anything with me besides the things I said. Literally. If I want to go out to a bar for some drinks, to a movie, a show, a day trip, etc., she never wants to. If someone else asks her, she's game, but if it doesn't involve shopping, eating, watching TV, or hanging out at home, she doesn't want to do it. I do get invited to do other stuff, but only when there's other people going. It's almost like she doesn't want to do anything fun with me unless there's other people there.

This has done my head in. I feel like the boring friend, even though I'm the one she spends the most time with. It's almost like I'm the husband she's been married to for 20 years while I get to see her have real fun with everyone else. Tonight she went from telling me she was going to Chicago on a whim and asked if I could watch her cat and dog for a couple days to changing her mind and going out with a mutual friend to a bar. When she asked if I wanted to come I declined. I didn't want to go somewhere and pretend to have a good time while all I'd be thinking about is how if I had asked her to go, she would have said no.

I've been pretending to be ok for awhile now, but the truth is that I'm not. I dropped out of school and realized that all of my old so called "friends" really aren't. And now it's getting to the point that hanging out with my only real friend is making me feel worse than just staying in with my cats and watching hours of Netflix alone.