You ever have a dream so real you wish it were true?

Dreams of being in love with someone and being intimate with them (i don’t only mean sex when I say that). I’m cursed with vivid dreams, especially when it involves being romantic and loving with another person. I wake up remembering how that felt - mentally physically and emotionally, and always want to go back to dreaming because it is the only way I can feel this.

Maybe I dream about it like this so I do feel something my soul desires? To keep the memory of how it feels to be loved alive? To not forget I can feel this way?

I don’t usually mind being alone, but lately it’s been really hard and lonely. I would love to find someone I care about and love and vise versa, but I can’t just be with anyone. My last relationship was me forcing something that wasn’t there, and it was really draining and it didn’t feel right. It ended on a bad note because I wasn’t honest with myself.

I often feel like what I’m searching for doesn’t exist but can’t come to terms with it if it doesn’t. I’m not unrealistic about love, and understand no one is perfect. I don’t have a checklist I need to check off, I really just want mutual love and care and the rest we can figure out together. I’m 31, have been in many relationships and only two has felt right to me, all the others were forced (by that I mean It was almost like playing house if that makes sense, like that mutual care love and respect wasn’t there).

It’s hard to meet people, and I’m sure it’s our lack of community closeness. Whomever taking our third spaces that would allow interactions to happen on a day to day basis.

Anyways, this was more like a journal entry, but I just woke up and was thinking about this and thought others might relate.

Good day 🫶🏼