I (19F) am in a relationship with a guy (19M). We haven’t been romantically involved for a long time but we kind of have history and how the relationship started was something you would see in the movies. He was interested in me way before I was interested in him. On paper he is basically my dream guy but he just has too many issues. The first one occurred when we were having a conversation. Mid conversation he disappears and ghosted me for 3 days.

The first ghosting took place within 4 or so hours of him saying he loved me. I thought it was over and I tried to come to terms with it but I did end up going off on him because I was hurt and confused. He did reply to my message 3 days later but for the week after that he was very weird replying maybe once a day. He would also apologize for his behaviour telling me that I should bear with him and he’s sorry for being difficult. I was not asking much from him I just wanted him to reply to my messages because we are long distance. I have come to learn that he is a very avoidant person as he loves to disappear in the middle of my trying to effectively communicate. I would send long messages of how I feel one minute after he replied and he would reply until 7 hours later. I would even follow up on these messages saying i just want to get it out of the way and he still wouldn’t reply. However after this first conflict he apologized and we talked things through and he was good for 2-3 weeks.

Until this recent thing happened. We were actually better than usual he was saying sweet things. Giving me his moms phone number and telling me he showed my pics to his sister and she said i was pretty. Telling me he loved me and missed me when he was busy during the day. Falling asleep with me on face time. However last week we were talking early in the morning and it was good i message him and he doesn’t reply. I initially think that he’s busy so I wasn’t bothered. I usually keep him updated during the day so i kept messaging him and sending him pictures. Hours go by after this and it’s about 5pm. I’m scrolling on social media and I see that he’s been active on it. I message him every couple hours again asking if he’s okay . No response. I know I got ghosted again but this time it hurt cause things were going really good it was unlike him well not unlike him he’s done it before but unexpected with the timing . I give it some days and message him on whatsapp instead. He replies. He feeds me some bs story about how his number got blocked by the carrier. I am hurt because he knew his number got blocked but I was the one who had to reach out to him. For days he didn’t care about checking in with me despite receiving all those messages where I was asking how he was, worried and kinda sad because he didn’t answer. His phone was on DND for the two days but literally after i messaged him his phone was suddenly not on DND anymore. i found this sketchy.

Anyways since then things have been weird. I have made attempts to talk to him and he’ll say okay let’s talk but he will disappear for a day after i explain my feelings. I have attempted to do this 3 times. The other day i get no response for a very long time so I call him. He answers right away which means he’s been seeing the notifications come in and choosing to ignore me. He says can we text instead of call so i’m like sure. He rambles about how he’s not ignoring me to be malicious. How he doesn’t want to ruin what we have and he doesn’t want to lose me and how he loves me. He then asks if i’m going to leave him.I’m a bit annoyed because i’m not asking for much. Just to talk to him. He says he needs some space but I am confused as to the space he needs. We haven’t talked for over a week . We are long distance ? I am not trying to sound unreasonable but i really don’t think he’s emotionally available for me. Which hurts because i’m really attached to him. I try but it’s so hard to not talk to him at all and go no contact and he barely reaches out first. I know he’s dealing with his own things in regards to how he sees relationships but why would he initiate it if it’s something he’s not ready for. I just don’t know if I should break it off because it’s not fair to me. I’m waiting like an idiot because i do love him but am i overthinking it?

He’s a very sincere person so i do believe him when he says he loves me and i don’t love him expecting anything back. but this is a twisted way to love. how can you love someone but not want to spend any time with them. when they are constantly reaching out to you first texting you multiple times but you can never text them first. when you initiate time together but then bail after i have reorganized my day to spend time with him. it’s not supposed to be this hard and it hasn’t even been that long. there really was no honeymoon period either. from the beginning it’s always something after the other. at some point it was a cycle where i would communicate he would apologize but within 2 days he’s doing the same thing again. and it’s always that one thing. i do understand that he hasn’t had the best history in terms of relationships but still.