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Is it only me or do any other people recognise that they are the beggars that can’t be the choosers?
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I’m a guy so I’m coming at this from a bloke perspective but I assume it could apply to women as well. Just wondering if any other people on here can relate to the phrase that beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to dating?

I’ve never been able to secure the attention or affection of a woman that I’ve truly desired. By that I mean that yes I’ve slept with women and had relationships but they weren’t with women that I had truly longed for, previously had a crush on or fantasised about being with.

None of them were the kind of women that took your breath away, made you question how it was possible that they were with you or elicited statements from your friends that you were punching way above your league with these women.

I’m sure this all makes me sound terribly harsh and that I’ll get pilloried for being so shallow but suppressing the notion that attractiveness wasn’t as important as a great personality has only led to the acceptance that clearly I can’t do any better than what I’ve had.

Despite my best efforts in being considerate, self-effacing, organised and confident of myself (though not confident in my looks) my limit feels like it has been arbitrarily set and I’ve never been able to rise above that.

Likewise, I have never felt that I’ve been desired by other women. The women in the relationships might have told me that they thought I was good looking but I never believed them or gave it any merit because it felt like getting a compliment from your mum. It wasn’t from someone who didn’t need to give you a compliment but did. It was from someone who wanted to make you feel better rather than expressing their base level desire.

And hence whenever people ask what my type is, I can’t really answer because I’ve never been in a position where I could pick and choose a woman dependant on my type. If they are interested in me, then I really just need to grateful.

It’s easy to look back and say that I should have stoically held out for the women that did sexually excite me but shit can get lonely man and when you can go for years with no one being interested or attracted to you, you will crave those things from any source regardless if deep down you know that you don’t hugely fancy them.

And even now at 49, I still can’t make a connection with anyone. Try to talk to anyone in the real world suggestively and I can feel the cringe but act like my normal self and I feel anonymous. No one cares, no one wants to get to know you and no one takes an interest in you.

Try online where maybe your communication skills might help you and it’s the same. Tinder, Bumble, POF and even Adult Friend Finder and it’s just a constant sea of hope followed by being ignored and passed over. I’ve sent countless messages through POF and AFF with literally nothing but some algorithm triggered bots. And on the rare occasion of talking to someone on AFF or Omegle when they see a picture of me – I’m suddenly ghosted.

I just feel disconnected and unwanted and questioning the point of it all. It’s like playing Halo Wars (the strategy game that I enjoy on the Xbox) and knowing that you can’t win. There’s no point in playing and seeing the end out when the path is set. You might as well just quit and be done with it all. You had your shot, you played your hand and you maintained the false optimism for as long as you could. The world isn’t interested in you and no one thinks you have anything worthwhile to offer.

So I’m just wondering if there are other people acutely aware of their ranking in the attraction stakes and that they are the beggars that can’t be choosing?.

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3 years ago