This is the truth, without my mom and my dad, I wouldn’t still be here. I have seasonal depression and it usually starts in early December but this year for some reason, it started right before Halloween and I’m still going through it. I’m not sure if it’s a loneliness issue or a mental health issue in general. It doesn’t happen every single year, it seems to happen every other year or every two years.

I’m 24 years old, fairly successful for my age, not rich but 6 figures in the bank. I have two college degrees and I work in sports media. I’m also pretty fit and have trained for the last 5 1/2 years. So I always think in my head I shouldn’t be lonely since I have a good life. However, My missing piece it feels like is tied within the usual culprit, romanticism. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, mainly because I’m not sure where to really go or to look. I have tried online dating but that was to no avail. I was on tinder for 2 weeks, only got 11 matches and none of them said anything or DM’d me. I also hear these horror stories about how woman ghost men all the time and love bomb them only to leave them hanging. It makes it feel impossible. I know I need somebody someday because I simply do not have to mental toughness to be alone forever; that thought deeply scares me and makes me feel hopeless. I’ve thought about you know what, before, starting the first time when I was 16.

The reason why I don’t do it though is because of my parents, I don’t want to put them through that pain and suffering which is why I would never do it. My parents worked way too hard to raise me to become who I am today for me to end anything. I love my mom and dad more than anything in the world. My mother is the sunshine of my life and without her I wouldn’t know what to do. My father taught me to be a strong and tough man.

I understand fully that I’m responsible for my loneliness and only me, I also understand that I deserve NO compassion unless I take steps to address my loneliness which I’ve been trying to do the past few days. I just needed to get this off my chest.