I (27F) have been with my husband (29M) for about 5 years, married 2. When we started dating, I was up front about never wanting children. At the time, he said he was in the same boat.

However, awhile after we got engaged, the baby talk started from him. Slowly over time he kept bringing it up. And, me being the people pleaser I am, said I would think about having just one. This somehow became the plan.

Now, here we are, 2 years later. I have continued to grapple with not wanting children for many big reasons. Reasons he knows. But after months of reflection, I found that I was throwing away myself and my identity for his happiness and desire to have a child. I realized, if he wasn’t in the equation, I never would question being child free. I have realized I cannot compromise on this and throw myself away.

I finally brought this up to him two days ago. It was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to have. We both cried. We reassured each other that this didn’t mean we didn’t love each other. But we just don’t know where to go from here.

He says he is willing to compromise and not have a child. But I don’t know if I can let him do that. I love him and want him to have all the happiness in the world, some of which involves being a parent. And I cannot give him that. I just feel lost and don’t know where to go from here.