Male, married to a woman, I identify as bi. I have a history of repressing my same sex fantasies for years in the past so there were years that I wasn't open to that side and actually suffered from psych symptoms associated with that kind of repression. Once I accepted my orientation, of course I went into exploring that side within bounds that are ok with my spouse, who's super chill about it. Now I am not into casual hookups, so my exploration is mostly with porn. The gay porn is nice but it also never translates into real life, I just don't experience chemistry with men because mostly I seem to be into admiring muscles and there's no other attraction present. However, I really struggle with my straight cycles because of a couple of reasons. One is that I tend to just get these crazy crushes on women in every day life but other than flirting, they don't lead to anywhere other than me steaming with lust and desire, and then I sorta feel bad because I really don't want to hurt my wife. But she actually doesn't care if I look at the menu, the irony is that I seem to have way more hangups about it than she does. The other is that during the straight cycles, I tend to fall back into the repression cycle and it seems my mind automatically goes back to stomping out anything in the direction of same sex attractions. Does anyone else struggle with this and do you have any advice to bring about more full acceptance?