30/M I was diagnosed in 2019. I’m sure most of you have been where I am. I’ve never kept a job more than two years. I got a Covid vaccine in 21 and it gave me myocarditis. Due to my inability to actually go into work any longer, I was let go from the highest paid, highest responsibility job I had ever had. Just when I thought my career was gonna take off and I would be financially sound, it all crashed down. Since then I haven’t had a job more than around 9 months, I think. Well, I started this new job recently. It’s a different field and I’m just learning. I kept wanting to change my career and try new things cuz I hated working in the plants and swapping from days to nights all the time really messed with my emotions. I have constantly struggled with being initially excited for a job and then feeling absolute soul-crushing burnout within a few months. Now I’m not making enough money though and I’m struggling to learn. I was always a terrible student in school. I can’t focus, I don’t retain info well. I forget almost everything. I keep messing up at work and today I was late because I set my phone on silent and so my alarms only set off vibrations. My fiancé had to come home and wake me up and she was mad at me because if I lose this job right before Christmas, we’re gonna let the kids down and struggle really hard financially. I also started smoking pot again, which was a terrible idea, and now I can’t go back into the plants until my hair is clean. I quit the smoking like three weeks ago, but I have to let my hair grow back out. I feel like a failure and I’m scared to go back to the refineries and fall into a depressive hole or into mania and have hard episodes and hurt myself either physically or through compulsive bad decisions. I guess I just wanted to get this out. I don’t really have anyone to talk to right now.