I (30M - SA) recently started dating after a 3 year break following divorce. After spending 15 years with an AA partner who never believed I loved them, constantly thought I was leaving or cheating - alongside being emotionally and physically abusive it became all too much. Going into the dating scene, I knew that I was looking for someone with a secure attachment style. 5 months ago I started to see someone who I thought was exactly that. She was comfortable with who she was, had stuff going on, was interesting and we shared a sense of humor and interests.

Fast forward to now and after 5 months it's like dating a different person. They're now displaying strong AA tenancies and it's creating big rifts in our relationship. They are questioning themselves and our connection a lot and showing many codependant behaviours. They very recently told me they are in love with me and while they said they don't expect me to say it back, I feel a lot of pressure to do so with how much they say it. They are also always worried that I'm going to leave them and often worry that I am seeing other people. It's becoming a little much for me. I understand that attachment will change as a relationship develops now there is more to lose than when were more casual but how much is to be expected? I find that her AA behaviours are making me more FA leaning and this is only making her anxieties worse. I have worked on my detrimental FA behaviours previously and its a shame to see myself sliding back into them. I try to be reassuring that I really like her and still want to see her but I feel a growing imbalance. Any similar experiences/advice?