To try to get my DA ex out of my mind, I went on a date with a guy (in hindsight it was a mistake, but we all make them). He was kind and nice, but I felt like he was only interested in the way I look, and less interested in who I truly am. Anyway, the date just made me realize that I'm just not over my ex. I told the guy after the date that I had a great time, but I'm just not ready to date and I'm still hung up on my ex. He said he'd gladly wait for me, but I told him not to because I can't promise him anything. He then asked if it was ok if we kept on talking, but truthfully this whole exchange just made me value him less. Like he doesn't even know me, why would he devalue himself so much to wait around for someone after seeing them for one hour? Also, it made me feel like I was under pressure or obliged to give him something even though I already stated I didn't have it, and it just made me want to run. Like I'm struggling with the breakup myself, I don't want to have to consider his feelings too (hence why I told him I didn't want to go on another date).

It just made me see him as so much less attractive because he made himself so available even though he knows nothing about me, and I didn't want to hurt him but he kept putting himself in a situation where he would get hurt. Now I do recognize he must be AP (I'm an AP leaning secure), and that's all this is probably, but it made me see him as less attractive. I wonder if this is what DAs feel like with APs/secures when they're emotionally available with them? This thought sort of scares me because I can't imagine feeling this way about someone and still finding them attractive and I'm scared this is how my DA ex saw me?

Also, it sort of gave me insight as to what DAs must feel like--like they're constantly going through a breakup and can barely survive, and then comes another person whose feelings they'd have to consider? And did I put myself in the position of this guy by staying available to someone who couldn't give me what I wanted? Did I devalue myself in their eyes too? Where's the line between sticking up for yourself but still staying kind and understanding with your partner's issues.

Obviously, I'm now emotionally unavailable due to going through a break up and this will pass (I hope lol). Also, it confuses me a bit that they say DAs deactivate/run most from people they're very attracted to or when they're threatened because they feel really attached to their partner, while for me, I definitely didn't feel attracted to begin with let alone threatened by the chance of intimacy.

Any thoughts/insights?