Found this quote on instagram and it really explains what I couldn't put into words and the mindshift that was needed for me to become more secure (credit goes to rainbowsalt on IG) https://i.imgur.com/qrJNgEU.png

Text: "Love will not save you. But it will hold your hand while you save yourself. And in a world that sometimes seems devoid of goodness, in a world that sometimes feels to heavy to bear, I think that is all we are really searching for. Someone by our side. Someone who grounds us. Someone who will quietly hug us for twenty minutes straight while we figure it all out. I think that is all anyone really needs. Someone who sees them. Someone who stays."

I know DAs get all the shit, but actually my DA helped me save myself. And I'm sure your partner can help you do the same and you can do the same for your partner (unless there's abuse present in which case you will need professional help). I always thought of myself as ugly and less than which made me overextend myself in relationships to prove my worth. He always told me when I was sad about the way he acted that his actions have nothing to do with my worth, that it's about him and never about me. He taught me I was the only one who could decide my worth and I should never give that power to him or to anyone else. He's a DA yes, but he has the kindest soul.

I think we can look at relationships as mirrors. The other will bring out the best and worse in you, and show your insecurities you didn't want unearthed. And you can hide behind those insecurities and demand love, or you can accept the love you are given and take a look at yourself. Because your partner's mirror will show you what work you need to do. How scary and how exciting! Take a look at your shadows, take a look at the places that need healing, and instead of demanding someone to save you, trust the love you are given and save yourself. Instead of waiting for someone to prove your worth, look inside and question the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck--what would happen if you stopped believing them as absolute truths of your life? It is scary because those beliefs might hurt you but they feel safe, they've been with you your whole life. And if you stop believing them, you will take away the miserable safety of what you know, but only then can you walk around the prison bars of your mind--and when you do something astonishing will happen.

You can't save anyone else, but yourself. But you can hold out your hand and love regardless of your partner's actions and regardless of your insecurities and see them for who they are. Be the kindness in your partner's life regardless of their attachment style because chances are they became this way because their world at times was indeed devoid of goodness and their life indeed was too heavy to bear. If you really did your work, you'll understand that not everyone is ready to take your hand and not everyone will want to do the work to save themselves and you will love them anyway. But if you really learned your lesson you will be able to let go with kindness if it's time, and you will be able to say that even just for a little while, you were the goodness in someone's world.

You can't and shouldn't force anyone to walk the walk, but if you treat them the way they should be, if you lead by example, they might be willing to do the work, and they might let you hold their hands as they save themselves. And you will get to witness a miracle. Because it's amazing to witness someone walk around the prison of their own minds and we all deserve to be able to hold someone's hand while we do what seems impossible.