I can relate to being mistreated b/c you are afraid. I've been married for 16 years and it's only within the last year that I realized I was AP and my husband is DA. I've come a long way but man back in March I absolutely humiliated myself by crying my eyes out and begging my husband not to leave me. It was a low point but it was so humiliating that it made me snap back to reality. I was like, wow, that wasn't ok for me to do, even if I have messed up a lot. I don't think I'll ever go back to being that person, bc I have a level of awareness now that I didn't have then. The best thing we can do is learn, and stop reacting so quickly when things happen in our relationships. Give it a few days for our emotions to boil down.

Here's the thing. All the talking that he was doing when he came back was superficial. I think for us AP we need to have a deeper connection. So even if the FA/DA is willing to come back, we're not going to be happy with a surface only relationship. He's not wanting that and not willing to see that he needs to work on that so you are better off telling him you are not interested. Tell him I have these needs in a relationship and you can not fulfill those needs, period. And then keep it strictly platonic.