I’ve been having trouble dealing with my depression and the overwhelming urge to die. I’ve dealing with depression my whole life and never got help for it really except some pills I was supposed to take but my birth mother “lost” when I was a teen and now years later and I’m married and have a son that just turned 1 and I love him and his mother to death but she’s struggling with ppd and is constantly saying she can’t Do this or be a mom and I’m constantly trying to help but I always get some excuse why she doesn’t need it and when I insist she just bashes me for anything and I try to understand and be patient and hope for the best but it seems to get worse and I just feel like I’m the problem and if I wasn’t here she’s qualify for food stamps and health care because I make too much even though we aren’t even close to living on our own and I know y’all will bash me for having a kid before I had a house but I’m not sure either it seems like it was all a blurr. I’ve tried talking to her but she just hits me with the well I guess I’m a bad wife or I guess my feelings ain’t important even after telling her she has a right to be upset and I understand that she’s going through a tough time but when I tell her that the way she treats me makes me feel a certain way she loses it and thinks nobody cares about her. I’ve tried to offer a therapist or counseling but she says she doesn’t like online therapy and the only therapist she trusts moved and I don’t know how to get her help her. Sorry for the rant but I guess what I’m asking is am I wrong for wanting to commit suicide over this or am I just being a bitch.
Side note this has been going since before she gave birth and after she gave birth which is why I wanna believe it’s ppd but she doesn’t wanna seek help for it and it’s hurting me when she says she’s alone and nobody cares.(I can give more details but this is just the general idea of it.