…why people tell you to leave when you have become so unhappy in your marriage and there’s no fixing it. Because here I sit, almost a year later of deciding to go down this path and my marriage still as miserable, if not more miserable than ever. It does NOT get better.

You see, Affairs are just bandaids. They don’t actually fix anything besides helping you with self realization of the things you are missing out on in your current relationship, that you’ll NEVER get to experience again so long as you stay. At least not an experience in its true nature. More of a facade, that will never amount to anything more than unhappiness so long as you stay. Seriously, if you’re new here and considering this life, don’t. It’s a long, lonely, painful road. If you’re on the fence, sit down and figure out if the marriage is worth saving. If not, time to pack up and go. Things won’t get better.

I haven’t been in love with my spouse for quite some years now, for a multitude of reasons. And now he’s no longer in love with me. He loves me but isn’t in love with me. We don’t have sex anymore. And now our kids have gotten to witness an unhealthy marriage between both parents, and they learn how to be in broken relationships themselves. By the way, if you think you’re fooling the kids…they know. They know how unhappy mom and dad are. And as they get older, they will start to drop subtle hints that they wish they had a separate but happy mom and dad vs an unhappy and together mom and dad. I have had to witness all of this, first hand this year and it pains me to my core that I’ve done nothing to stop it. Rather than investing time in cheating, I wish I would have just taken the year to focus on myself and figure out how I could be a better version of myself, not how to fill a void I don’t wanna deal with. Life can be beautiful but also filled with pain and misery at times. There is hurt in all the stages of life we go through. Rather than trying to avoid the pain and hurt that is inevitable, it’s better to be true to yourself and let it happen. Allow yourself to be sad for the marriage you’re mourning, while also acknowledging that YOU did all that you could to possibly save it. But also remember, you only control yourself, and if they wanted to, they would as well. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, I hope it helps any new people who might be blinded by the dopemine they feel entering this new world. This ain’t it.