I can't function like a normal person. I can't get up early, get dressed, go to work, work at an acceptable pace, come home, do chores, wind down, and go to sleep. My brain doesn't let me. I've tried. I've tried so fucking hard. I've done countless jobs that I eventually quit or almost get fired from because my brain doesn't work. I get easily overwhelmed, I get exhausted, I get in my head about not being good enough, then I have a breakdown or two and give up. Rinse and repeat. I can't be like my sister who can hold down relationships and jobs and school and a whole life. I can barely handle grocery shopping and doing my dishes in one week. My boyfriend is so angry at me. He yells at me the same way I yell at myself in my head "just get up and do SOMETHING! Anything!" I want to. I want to so badly. I want to get up I want to go out I want to live life like a normal person but I can't. Why can't I? Why doesn't my brain just let me? Why is existing in bed all day so exhausting? When I manage to go out and do something with my day then I need 3 or more days just to recover. What's wrong with me? No one believes me. Everyone thinks I'm lazy. I'm not lazy. I'm working so hard. But to everyone else it looks like I'm not doing anything at all. I just want to be good. I want to be successful. I want to be able to work hard and be proud of myself. But I'm 27 and I can't pay my bills. I can't keep my apartment clean. I can't stay on top of my appointments. And no one believes I'm even trying. I just want to be normal.