She's been dancing around a classification as an "addict" for a while now. Finally, after visiting my parents' house this weekend where she lives in the basement, it's clear she's got a seriously dire problem. I found bottles hidden, a shock, and she had a violent, horrible episode on the last night of my visit. I brought up a concern about her health during a really nice moment between us, and her entire face and eyes shifted and she became almost possessed-looking. She tried to swipe at me, she screamed at me so loud the neighbours came out, she was calling me "a dumb c**t", screaming at the top of her lungs for about fifteen minutes.

She then proceeded to lock me out of the house and scream at my parents about how much of a "dumb c**t" I was and that she hoped I'd kill myself.

This was, I'm not exaggerating, after a comment I made about her general health that didn't even ADDRESS drinking,

My mom finally admitted something was wrong after years of me trying to tell her. This finally broke through. But the only rule she made was "no drinking alone in the basement".

My sister went totally apeshit on my mom, calling her names too and saying how no one was fucking there for her, she couldn't trust anyone or be herself around anyone.

I'm just venting. I'm so sad for her. She likely feels nothing inside, and her self-esteem is probably at an all-time low. I know what that is like. And I hate that she is feeling it. I wish I could take all of her pain away. She has a huge heart, she is creative and funny and sweet. I don't know where she is or if she will ever come back.

I hate that she hates me and has for years. I hate that she said it's "hell" for having me as a sister.

I have a call next week with a crisis worker from an addictions centre to get their advice on what to do.

I'm still in shock from the weekend. I am so hurt and scared and devastated. I try and set boundaries about how often I am allowed to think about it, but I can't stop. I just want her to be happy and for her to remember who she is. I miss her. I hate the toll this has taken on my family. I hate addiction.

If anyone has any advice, I am open to it. Thanks for reading. This felt good.