I’ve been abusing several substances since I was maybe 12 or 11, and selling since I was 13. About a year ago I got into Xanax and it really messed me up and turned me into a monster. Once I tried it, it was pure bliss and I loved it so I would heavily abuse it. This effected everything in my life and fogged my mind to the point I could barley think for myself. At that same time I had gotten into selling firearms and cocaine which was a big step since I would usually just push like weed or small things like that (not justifying it at all) . I eventually started using cocaine too ( I wouldn’t have even touched it if I wasn’t a bartard yet even thought abt it ) and my life was rly starting to crash.

I was arrested for manufacturing and distribution of cocaine ( to an undercover officer) all because of how dumb the Xanax made me I couldn’t see it. While I was locked up the withdrawals of the Xanax were LITERALLY HELL. I wanted to just be dead.

I’m currently 3 1/2 months sober off Xanax and cocaine and I feel lost. I’m also on probation for 2 years and I just feel broken. I don’t know how to feel or what to think and every day just feels more like a chore. I don’t really know what to do and I’m lost.