Last weekend I (f23, she/her) was invited to a queer house party hosted at a nice part of the city I live near. As somebody who doesn’t have any to many friends and somebody that has high anxiety, I thought going would be a good way to get some exposure therapy by meeting some local queer people.

I should preface that I was invited by the girl I’m seeing, we will call her Cee. Cee is living a polyamorous lifestyle and anytime she meets anybody new, she is very clear and upfront with whomever the other person is. She’s honest about how many people she’s talking to and who she is sleeping with and whom she is not. She also doesn’t just have sex with people unless she has solid proof they’re clean. Cee is a cool, awesome, levelheaded young (f25, she/they) woman. So this party I’m invited to is an extended invitation by another female she is seeing, whom we’ll call Cristiana (f30, she/her) According to Cee, Cristiana had shown interest and excitement in meeting me which was nice and cool to hear. I’ve never dated anybody who is poly so let alone meet my partner’s partner. I use that term (partner) lightly — not sure what else I’d call it. So it seemed exciting.

Fast forward to the second hour of this party, Christiana’s mood goes from 0-100 and it shows all over her face. So, I asked her what was going on. I was nothing but respectful the entire night, so I thought maybe somebody else had said something to her. Turns out, she was jealous. I followed that up by saying that feeling jealous is a human emotion, that I’ve felt it before, but I asked if there was something in particular that happened or if I had done something to upset her. She couldn’t give me a straight answer. Somehow the conversation shifted, and she had asked me if I wanted to go in the other room with her friend, Andrea, who was at this party. Andrea was sitting in between us when we were talking about the jealous feelings that arose. She mentioned wanting and trying to hook up with Christiana for years, but that since because they were friends they’ve never done anything and made a comment about me “being a different story.” Which Christiana had replied with “do you want to go in the other room with Andrea?” … at this point I’m feeling like I am being set up and my anxiety is over the roof. I ended up going in the other room with Andrea even though I was not attracted to her at all, my train of thought being, I’m a guest and I’m being polite and respectful, and if this helps Christiana feel a little less jealous, I’m going to go.

When we (Andrea and I) are in the room, we share a kiss and I am very clear that I can’t really do anything with her as I don’t just kiss or hook up with people I don’t feel connected to. I also mentioned not knowing anybody at this party and how uncomfortable I was. She kept asking if “I was sure” when I wanted to leave to go to the bathroom / refill my water. She also made inappropriate comments about Cee, asking if “she was better” and “why I wanted that” that she has many girls back home interested in her left and right so that I was just “another girl” … I’m not exaggerating when I say she made inappropriate comments to me all throughout the night. While I was in the middle of a conversation with somebody about PC’s and video games, she sits next to me and tried to rub her fingers on my shoulder and asked me if I wanted to join her in the bedroom.

At this point I am just ranting, but I wish I had the willpower to acknowledge that those weren’t my people and that wasn’t my place to be. I wish I had left, but I didn’t want to be a “weirdo” and “oddball” which I already am both! Happily, on most days.

At the end of the night Cee, Cristiana, myself and Cee’s friend (who is strictly platonic who I did not mention in this story because they were nothing but nice to me) end up hooking up…kind of a dream of mine to have a FFFF, but under those circumstances I am having feelings of regret. I was the only one not drinking that night and I wanted to make sure Cee and her friend made it home safe. Since then, Cee cut things off (sexually) with Cristiana because throughout that night and in the 4 weeks she’s known her, Cristiana has made uncomfortable and petty comments to her. Cristiana sent me a message the next morning saying it was “so lovey meeting me” and told Cee the next day she wanted me to leave this queer all over the world group chat she has with a handful of queer people. I just don’t appreciate the fakeness. Cee and I’s relationship hasn’t changed. Cee said she feels closer to me after enduring a weird ass night but at this point I’m left feeling uncomfortable. I think an apology is overdue, but I don’t think I’m going to get it from 30 year old women who aren’t mature enough and since I do not know them, I think I should let it go. But because Cee is still in my life, I feel a very strong feeling of unsettledness and uncomfortableness because Cristiana and her still message. She immediately broke boundaries by sending Cee a picture of her tits on Snapchat. I don’t trust that girl, and I don’t have many friends and maybe that’s because I’m particular about who I let into my life/who I choose to spend time with. I just feel uncomfortable knowing Cee is still communicating with this person, and that’s not to say I want her to stop because I’m not one to tell her what to do, and I never ever would. But like I said, a sincere apology is long overdue and I’m not sure how I’m feeling about continuing to see Cee because I don’t know if I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion or if nobody is acknowledging what I had to deal with that night.

How should I talk to Cee about my feelings without having it seem like I’m asking her to stop being friends with Cristiana? Ultimately and selfishly, that is what I would want but if Cristiana’s character is genuinely the way she portrayed herself on Saturday, I believe time will tell that and Cee will make the call when she feels it’s right.