Good God. He wants ALL THIS — and sympathy for his “situation” — but not the opportunity to have a one on one, exclusive relationship.

(Edit: To clarify, this is not an OLD profile. It’s a post here on Reddit.)

Sadly, he’s still slightly less offensive than the guy who “offered” that I should move to a different city (his) to be his unpaid submissive.

Thank you for clicking on my ad - if you are like me, you're married, not happy at home, but also not interested in leaving. I know that part sounds like every other married schulb who had an ad on here.

Why am I the guy for you?

• I am looking for a relationship, not just sex
• You want to be cherished and adored
• I am absolutely able to keep a secret, even if we break up, I'll take it to my grave
• You want to be safe and excited
• I am self employed, successful and intelligent
• You are witty and interesting
• I make my own schedule and can find time for you
• You make the extra effort - which means you are capable of more than a one line email
• I'm not a male model, but I'm pretty darn good
• You aren't perfect either, but are comfortable with yourself and above average
• I don't settle for just anyone, but am weary of looking
• You are looking for just one special person too
• Even though I want a relationship, I also want to explore new and interesting sex with the right person
• You are creative and open minded
• I'm 100% drug and disease free
• You are too
• I don't judge you, at all. In fact, I'm curious about what makes you tick and I hope you'll share your thoughts with me
• You are fun loving and adventurous
• I've done this before and know the "rules". With that said, I really really would like to stop looking and start experiencing a special lifelong relationship with the right woman
• You've either done this before or are serious about starting a relationship

By the way - I don't know if you are married or not. I'd assume that you are, but if you are not, you need to be at least sympathetic to my situation. For those of you who think this is horrid, then please keep your thoughts to yourself. And, for all you men - no, I'm not interested in a guy, please look elsewhere.

PS: If you've read this far, go ahead and write something witty about cats (or just Cute Cat!) in the subject line so I can avoid spammers and low intelligence people.<<<