I decided to not go through with meeting the person. A lot of your comments put into perspective the emotional aspect of my situation and that was what put me over the edge. I don’t know if I could cope with keeping this a secret from my partner.

That said, I’m still feeling anxious. I don’t want to tell my partner anything of what I was thinking, but I’m beginning to think this may be irreconcilable for me. I don’t know if I should live vicariously through content creators or try and be honest with my partner about my feelings and take it from there

P.S. My partner knows my fetish and isn’t interested in it, but has never said anything negative about it. They are supportive of my feelings. But we’ve never had a conversation on feederism being something I NEED. I’m not sure how to approach it, especially as she is extremely busy on a business trip for a little while.