I don’t know how to be okay anymore. Every time I feel like I might finally be stable and feel secure in where I’m at, someone makes a comment that feeds into my fears of being kicked out again.

I haven’t had a job in a year and it’s been so hard having to rely on literally everyone around me for literally everything. I can’t even use the vehicle that I have because I can’t pay for the insurance, it needs a new battery, and I wouldn’t even have money for gas if it had those. So if I’ve needed to go anywhere, I’ve had to get a ride from my cousin or aunt or uncle.

And then there’s everything medically that’s being payed for by my mom/dad. Even though they kicked me out, they’ve been paying for all the copays for various doctors appointments and therapy and my medications. Not to mention that they’ve paid for my phone the past few months because I haven’t been able to scrounge up enough to even pay for that.

I just feel like I’m such a burden to literally everybody and like I’m not contributing anything.

But honestly the worst part is I don’t want to have a job. Sure I want money and that freedom, but I don’t want a job and I feel like such a horrible person because I’m freeloading and lazy and taking up space and money that could be used for better things and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of the constant doubt and fear