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Dear brother,
Today was a hard day, for the both of us. Tuesday's have always been hard for us for some reason. You are weaning off your ADHD medication because it's messing up your heart rate and we need to get you something different, I know you don't understand that. I also know in 5 years you won't remember this past few weeks because it's unmemorable and you will be fine in the next month. But you are laying across from me in my bed while I sit at my desk doing my homework, and I know you aren't asleep. It's 12:30am and your bedtime was 4 hours ago, your breathing is different when you sleep and I can tell you are waiting for me to go the the living room so you can read your book. I'm already keeping you home from school tomorrow, there is no way you could know this, because I have a paid day off for once. You did all your homework without me asking a million times today, I think you see how stressed I am and I'm sorry. You and I went through a lot for how young we were, but the difference between you and I is that you are so much more sweet and innocent than I was. I'm scared you aren't going to keep that innocence forever. You were upset today when I told you your teacher wouldn't let me go on your field trip, you tried not to show it but you aren't good at hiding your emotions like I was. I won't tell you that it's just our Tuesday bad luck and it won't be that way forever. Your school still won't accept that I'm your legal guardian and will always find a way to bar me from spending time with you. They told me last Tuesday I had to get a background check from the police station in order to go, knowing I didn't have the $150 and that even if I would have not had enough time. But next Wednesday I start my new job and get a pay increase that is going to put us ahead for once, instead of us always being right on the line of of just average. That now I will be ahead of the game and show them that I am not struggling having guardianship over you. But that is then and now is now. So tomorrow we are going to go to the aquarium, because you like the penguins and I like the sharks. I hope you don't wake up at ass crack of dawn tomorrow because I would like to sleep in also, but even if you do it's okay because I would go days without sleeping for you. Tuesdays will always be bad for us, I think it's nature was of fucking with me. We go through a lot, our court dates will always be on Tuesdays. The day we both don't want to wake up and go to school and work will always be on Tuesdays. It's just the way it is for us. But as you start to get older and realize Tuesdays fucking suck, you need to remember that for every Tuesday there will be a Wednesday. I love you, go to sleep.
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