Why wasn’t I enough? What made her able to come in and swoop everything I worked for and invested in for almost a whole year. She got my whole life in a couple weeks.

Now you ride around with her and introduce her to your friends, that hurt. Now she sleeps naked with you in a room in our friends house and everyone knows what’s going on in there, that hurt She got my place at what was supposed to be our new home after I had spent weeks in an unorganized hotel to keep you company and from feeling lonely She got your body She got you mind She has your spirit

You become the most numb person when you are back with her. She is a witch for sure. I felt her presence long before I actually knew of her presence back into your life.

I begged for you to choose us. To come home. It’s been a month since you have left. I just wanted you home! Now the room that was so filled with life just begins of summer last year is back to silent, dingy, dull. Depression will 100 percent consume me.

The worthlessness is about to grasp me as I look at myself and wonder why I wasn’t pretty enough, fun enough to ride around with unless we “planned it” that hurt “well she gets to because she’s fun and she enjoys it you always complained”

You never wanted to allow me the ooourtunity to turn that hee leaf.

But my misery wasn’t brought on by just me, oh no. Peachy “wife” was abandoned at our hotel while you snuck back to town to hang out with her, get to know her, text her while I say feet from you. I knew when she blew up your phone in jail that I had lost you. When I was getting out of the truck when you returned me home for the night I knew about in my stomach said nothing will ever be the same. Did you feel it? You could have controlled it all? Why didn’t you stop the truck and say hey I am talking to someone new but I need you. I’ll stop I’ll block her I’ll never even remember her name. Instead you went and got her and laughed about me, took her back to what was supposed to be my new home with you and screwed her in front of your coworkers, had her sitting in your lap everywhere you went. When’s the last time I had a spot in your lap? I’m destroyed! Utterly shamefully destroyed! I didn’t tell you this because just recently with the loss of our son and my big event there was too much attention on me and of course the plan would have been halted. I asked you to choose me and you said no. Did you think I would pick everything up and shrug my shoulders after investing my life into you? I want Colorado times. Colorado is too far. Tonight I also reject me. I too will say no thank you. Tonight. I get to go see the River it’ll be so beautiful under the moon. And I’ll remember that dance on the sidewalk that made my heart utterly shatter with glee. The summer air. Your silly movements. Tonight I want to cry. No one will reject me again. I need to take control of my situation and be the final person to reject me.and I will. 🖤 welcome back old hellish home. Wake up the demons and eat me alive til I’m begging to be placed in my coffin.

I keep looking for the slightest sign that you might miss, had you left behind. I know there’s nothing stopping you now, but ide settle for a slow down. Just one tap of the break light…

How could you hate me just this much?