Prayer doesn’t work. The Bible is just words on paper I’ve read over and over to the point where I can answer questions theologically and interlink passages and books, and have done so a lot. Benefit of being a PK I guess.

It’s all become just… smoke. You keep reach and reaching but you can’t grab anything tangible. And one by one all these promises God makes just show themselves to not be true.

I want a conversation. One conversation. Five minutes tops. No more scattered signs or false leads. I want to talk.

I don’t care what I have to do or what the consequences are, physically, emotionally, whatever. I want to know why he didn’t let me commit suicide but refuses to make the desire for it go away. Why does he keep me alive if every day is a disappointment and a small bit of hell.

Why am I named after one of the prophets yet God seems to want nothing to do with me?