I was raised in church and decided to be a Christian for myself around 15, but I don't even get how someone's born again anymore. Sometimes it seems like you've gotta be some sort of monk who does nothing but read the Bible and other times it seems like God just picks and chooses who he talks to or delivers. It all seems like a big joke at this point, and all these people who make church and god their entire personality seem more shallow and fake than all the atheists I know.

I’ve had ups and downs but even when I felt like I was doing better in trying to get close to God it felt like I was trying to communicate or have a relationship with a brick wall. I’ve followed all these rules and avoided doing things I’ve really wanted to do and all I’ve got to show for it is continuing depression and loneliness and troubles of every kind.

And yeah yeah, I know the verses you might wanna throw at me. Trials in this world, born with a sin nature, sin corrupting the very planet and/or our own physical bodies, Adam this, Genesis that. It feels like we’re just getting played as part of some big prank.

I believe God and the Bible are all real and everything. Hell too. But why follow a guy who promises deliverance and peace and rest and the more you try to find that the further away it gets? Whats the point of even bothering to exist?