Yeah, I’m grateful for everything he’s given me and done and acknowledge Jesus as lord and savior.

But over the years any kind of adoration or “love” has been wrung out, like a towel that’s been squeezed dry of water.

I still want to do right and find a way to do better. But ultimately, I don’t understand how I could really love God anymore. There’s no two way communication like a real relationship just me and words on paper I’ve had shoved down my throat since I was read. God feels like a chore.

I’ve begged for years for God to bridge the gap because I’ve felt like this since I was a teenager trying my best and giving it my all to get over addictions but God didn’t do anything. God never tried to bridge the gap too. How can I love someone if all I’ve got is a bunch of orders to follow and a world of emptiness and silence?